Remus, We Know
by Geek Squared 1307
Summary: The Marauders are in their second year at Hogwarts. Remus has not told his friends that he's a werewolf and is worried that they might find out. In reality, his friends already know and decide to tell him.


Dedicated to anyone who's ever wondered how James, Peter, and Sirius told Remus that they knew about him being a werewolf

**Summary/Author's Note**: The Marauders are in their second year at Hogwarts. Remus has not told his friends that he's a werewolf and is worried that they might find out. In reality, his friends already know and decide to tell him. (This story mainly focuses on friendship, but it can be read with some inklings of a prelude to a romantic Remus/Sirius relationship if, like me, you are a fan of the ship.)

The 11th of October is National Coming Out Day. Although this story takes place in 1972, which is before the holiday's establishment in 1988, I thought it would be an appropriate date to use in this story.

**Disclaimer**: This is a fan fiction story. I do not own J. K. Rowling's _Harry Potter_ or Bram Stoker's _Dracula_, and I am not making any money from writing this. Direct quotes are indicated by a number in brackets and are cited in full at the end of the story in the references section. I am not in any way associated with the Britannia Royal Naval College and do not mean to imply anything by mentioning the institution in this story.

###

"My transformations in those days were - were terrible. It is very painful to turn into a werewolf. I was separated from humans to bite, so I bit and scratched myself instead. The villagers heard the noise and the screaming and thought they were hearing particularly violent spirits. Dumbledore encouraged the rumor … even now, when the house has been silent for years, the villagers don't dare approach it …

But apart from my transformations, I was happier than I had ever been in my life. For the first time ever, I had friends, three great friends. Sirius Black … Peter Pettigrew … and, of course, your father, Harry – James Potter.

Now, my three friends could hardly fail to notice that I disappeared once a month. I made up all sorts of stories. I told them my mother was ill, and that I had to go home to see her … I was terrified they would desert me the moment they found out what I was. But of course, they, like you, Hermione, worked out the truth …"

(Remus Lupin in J. K. Rowling's _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban_)[1]

###

"Remus, We Know"

By Geek Squared 1307

The hospital wing was quiet on the Monday morning of 25 September 1972 while Remus was recovering from his latest transformation. Remus enjoyed the quiet. His transformations always made him feel that he was losing control, that there was a monster inside him that was taking him over. He felt at times that there was something in him that had the power to slowly destroy him, to make him permanently into a completely different being that would never be able to turn back into who he really was, to take away that part of him that was _he himself_. The silence gave him a chance to calm his mind, to become fully human again.

Madam Pomfrey deemed him well enough to leave the hospital wing and, after her customary warning about not telling anyone the true reason for his absence, she let him go down to breakfast. He walked through the nearly empty corridors and down the great marble staircase to the Great Hall.

Remus always felt guilty for lying to his friends about the reason for his monthly absences. They always showed such great concern when hearing about his ill mother (who was in good health) or his dead grandfather (who had actually died before Remus was born) and showed such joy when hearing about his (nonexistent) cousin's graduation from Britannia Royal Naval College or his aunt's safe immigration to the country after an escape from dangerous circumstances (which had actually happened many years ago). There was a certain irony in all of this, as Remus had never been good at lying, but was getting better at it after spending so much time with his friends - and then using those skills to deceive those very same people.

Remus spotted his friends and headed over to sit next to them.

"Remus," said Sirius. "How's your mum?"

"She's much better, thanks," said Remus.

His friends smiled, and he felt guilty.

"Remus, mate, we have the _best_ plan," said James.

"Let me guess," said Remus, smiling and helping himself to some toast. "You've come up with a plan that's extremely dangerous and think it will be just grand to try it out.

"Naturally," said Sirius.

"What else did you expect?" said Peter.

"We're going to find a way to secretly go to Hogsmeade," said Sirius.

"We're not allowed," said Remus automatically. "We'll be allowed to go next year."

James and Sirius gave him a look that said, _Really, Remus? You think that's going to stop us?_

Peter looked at him with an expression that said, _Who knows? It might be fun?_

"We have to find a way to get past McGonagall's check at the front gates," said James.

Remus said, "I've heard from some older students that there's a way to cut through the Forbidden Forest to get to Hogsmeade. It doesn't sound advisable, though."

"I don't much fancy being eaten by werewolves," said Peter.

Remus looked down, busying himself with his breakfast and avoiding his friends' eyes.

"The full moon was on Saturday," commented James. "It won't be full on the Hogsmeade weekend."

"Besides, werewolves can't be worse than my mother," said Sirius.

Remus smiled.

Breakfast was ending and many students were already leaving the Great Hall. The four friends joined them, trudging up the marble staircase and through the corridors.

The first class of the day was Transfiguration. The classroom looked rather gloomy, as classrooms tend to do on Monday mornings. Professor McGonagall walked in the room, quieting the class without any effort, and informed them that they would be learning how to turn beetles into buttons. She explained and demonstrated the spell, and then the students set to work, trying to duplicate her actions.

Remus had a certain fascination with transfiguration, given his condition, and mastered the spell rather quickly.

Peter looked on at Remus's technique and was able to learn the spell by imitating his friend's actions.

Sirius kept missing the beetles, because they were scurrying around his desk. He tried to pen them in with his books so he could properly aim at them with his wand. When he finally accomplished this, his buttons turned out rather nicely, all the same.

James decided to be creative and was creating buttons with rather intricate designs, earning him a rare smile and impressed expression from Professor McGonagall. Remus thought that James might win over Professor McGonagall after all, despite that rather _unfortunate_ incident from the previous year.

By the end of the lesson, the four friends had a veritable mountain of buttons between them.

When Professor McGonagall assigned homework and dismissed the class, she said, "Mr. Lupin, I'd like to speak to you for a moment."

Sirius looked at Remus with a smirk on his face.

"What did you do?" said James.

Peter was smiling.

Remus had an amused-yet-exasperated expression on his face. "I didn't do anything," said.

His three friends looked at him as though they didn't believe him, barely hiding their laughter. They were the last ones who left the classroom, glancing at Remus as they walked through the doorway.

Remus went up to Professor McGonagall's desk and said, "You wanted to see me, Professor?"

"Yes, Mr. Lupin," said Professor McGonagall, with a small smile on her face, along with a look of compassion (which Remus had grown accustomed to seeing).

"Madam Pince came to see me," said Professor McGonagall. "She says that some books were taken from the school library without permission. Do you know anything about this?"

"No, Professor," said Remus.

The professor looked at him as though she did not believe him. The expression on her face looked rather similar to the expressions on his friends' faces moments ago. Remus struggled not to smile at the comparison in his head.

"Remus," said Professor McGonagall kindly, "the books that were missing were about werewolves. If you wanted to read about lycanthropy, you could have asked any one of us professors or Madam Pince. We certainly wouldn't refuse to give you access to such important knowledge."

"Professor, I swear I don't know. I know you and the other professors would understand; I've asked permission before from Madam Pince to go into the Restricted Section. I don't know who took the books. I've heard some of the older students are learning about lycanthropy in Defense Against the Dark Arts. Other than that, I don't know who may have taken the books."

"Is there, perhaps, someone else who may know about your condition?"

He shook his head. "No, I haven't told anyone."

Professor McGongall nodded. "Alright, then. Thank you, Remus. If you hear anything about this around the school, please let me know."

"I will, Professor," said Remus with a smile. "Believe me, I don't want anyone finding out my secret."

Remus headed to History of Magic, a note explaining his tardiness from Professor McGonagall in his hand. He wondered who was reading about werewolves and hoped they would not put the clues together and figure out what he was.

#

Later that day, the Marauders were seated in a corner of the Gryffindor common room, working on their History of Magic essays about the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy. Remus found it a fascinating topic; his friends disagreed and were speculating on how they could violate the statute in fun ways. James figured he might fly his broom around a Muggle village.

"Remus," said Sirius, "you never told us what McGonagall wanted to talk to you about."

"What happened?" said Peter.

"What'd you do?" said James.

Remus looked up from his essay, knowing they'd never let him alone until he told them. He smiled in what he hoped was a mysterious way, glancing furtively around the common room, and dropped his voice to a whisper. "Well, you are my best friends. I suppose I can trust you. Promise you won't tell anyone?"

They nodded, clearly intrigued.

"Remember that fight in Hogsmeade that was in the _Daily Prophet_ this morning?"

His friends nodded.

"I, er, was involved in that, and McGonagall says I'll have to go to the Ministry for a hearing."

They looked at him incredulously, and Remus struggled to keep a straight face.

"No way," said James.

"You did not," said Peter.

"The article said it was gang violence - some group called the Blood Roses," said Sirius.

"Yes, well, over the summer, I met these guys who are members of the Blood Roses. They invited me to join them, and I did. We arranged to meet at Hogsmeade over the weekend to fight a rival gang. The guys in the Blood Roses are really wicked. You guys should come meet them sometime. There's one guy, the leader, his name's Jake and he's got a motorbike. You'd like it, Sirius."

They all looked at him.

Peter looked horrified; James looked shocked, and Sirius looked amused and surprised at the same time. There was silence.

"Remus," said James finally. "You're not _serious_?" There was a note of panic in his voice.

"No. He is," said Remus, pointing at Sirius with his quill and laughing.

James looked relieved and threw and eraser at him. Remus caught it and laughed again. "You should have seen the look on your face, James."

"_Remus_," complained Sirius, "you _still_ haven't told us what McGonagall said. Don't tell me you did something boring, like staying in the library after hours."

"Close, actually. Someone's been taking books out of the library without permission. McGonagall thought it might be me, as I like to read." _It was so easy_, thought Remus, _to change one detail and change the truth into a lie_.

Sirius rolled his eyes and considered his History of Magic essay, which looked rather like a mess of scribbles next to Remus's neat paragraphs in tidy handwriting. "You should have at least done something interesting Remus," remarked Sirius, with a smile and a glance at James.

"But I didn't do it."

"Clearly," said James, "much too boring for the Marauders. We've got to think of something more fun than stealing book from the library."

"Maybe we _should_ join the Blood Roses," said Sirius jokingly. "I hear they've got wicked tattoos."

"They _murder_ people, though," said Peter, sounding worried.

"I'm sure you'll think of something sufficiently dangerous for us to get involved in, Mr. Black," said Remus. "You may want to finish your homework, though. Mischief is much more fun if you finish your education and can actually do magic."

"He's got a point, Sirius," said James. "We've got to learn all those hexes the seventh years talk about all the time."

#

Remus had taken to pulling the curtains closed around his bed while getting dressed, as his latest transformation had left him with a group of parallel scars running across his chest and one across his throat, which had been perilously close to being fatal. Smaller scars might be overlooked or easily explained away, but these were noticeable. He speculated that his friends probably thought his new-found shyness was the result of pubescent concerns, and he expected teasing, but it didn't come. He wondered if maybe _they_ were having such concerns.

On Wednesday morning, having gotten dressed in his robes, Remus was sitting on the trunk at the foot of his bed, putting on his trainers and watching Sirius, who was in boxer shorts and trying to find a shirt to wear under his robes.

Remus found one of his own shirts and threw it at Sirius's head. "Here. Not that I mind seeing you frantic in boxers - it's amusing - but we're going to be late."

"Too bad, Sirius," said James. "I wanted to see the professors' faces if you showed up at breakfast in your underwear."

Sirius smirked at James while tying Remus's extra tie around his neck. While doing so, he noticed a book sticking out of his trunk and kicked it back in.

"Sirius, don't do that," said Remus.

"Oh, come on, Remus. Don't be like Madam Pince," said Sirius.

As they headed down to breakfast, Remus took care to keep his collar up to hide the scars.

During Herbology, James was talking to a classmate whose older sister was in seventh year, asking if there was any way to sneak into Hogsmeade. Peter was listening intently to their conversation, and Sirius was pruning the Shrivelfigs, as per their lesson.

None of them noticed when Remus's partner, a second-year Hufflepuff student name Devin, remarked, "Remus, did you get hurt? What happened?" He indicated the visible scar on Remus's neck.

Remus quickly yanked his collar back up. "It's nothing," he said hastily. "I just - it's personal. I'd rather not talk about it."

Devin nodded and smiled in a comforting way. "Okay. If you want to talk, I'm here."

Remus smiled back. "Thanks." Remus had gotten a rather positive impression of Hufflepuff house during his time at Hogwarts.

Sirius and Peter had managed to prune some Shrivelfigs in a good approximation of Professor Sprout's demonstration, and James was still chatting with his partner about Hogsmeade.

After Herbology was Potions, during which Professor Slughorn set them to work on a Swelling Solution. While waiting for their potion to brew for the appropriate time, Remus and Sirius were talking about Quidditch and James's intentions to try out for the Gryffindor team.

"I might make a go of it as well," said Sirius. "Hey, what's that?" He reached to Remus's neck and pulled the necklace chain from under his shirt, to reveal a pendant bearing the band name _The Hobgoblins_ overlaying the band's symbol. "Cool. Where'd you get it?"

Remus was tachycardic. "I got it over the summer," he said nervously. "My mum and dad and I went to this Muggle amusement park. It's based on this Muggle book series. A couple of witches opened up a shop in the park, and the Muggles think it's fiction like the rest of the things there."

Sirius laughed. "Cool. I've never heard of The Hobgoblins. You've got to play some of their music for me."

Remus nodded, turning his head away slightly. How could Sirius not have noticed the scars? He and Sirius were sitting closer than he and Devin had been in Herbology.

"Remus, what's wrong?" said Sirius. "I've reminded you of your mum, haven't I? I'm sorry."

"No," said Remus. "It's okay. Just - just had a thought about one of the rides at the park. It was rather frightening. You'd love it."

Sirius smiled.

Professor Slughorn was coming around to check on their potions. Remus and Sirius made themselves look busy. James and Peter's potion had turned out rather well. Remus and Sirius had managed a decent result as well.

As they walked out of the Potions classroom, Remus thought to himself, _That's it. I have to start wearing turtlenecks under my robes from now on. … Maybe I'll look like an angst-filled poet._ The thought amused him slightly.

Charms was fun, as they were learning about the Cheering Charm. Remus was partners with Lily and by the end of the class, they were both extremely happy.

_Lily is really smart_, thought Remus. She had learned the spell very quickly. At the end of class, she said good-bye to Remus and joined her friends as Remus rejoined the other Marauders.

They all headed down to the Great Hall for lunch, Remus and Peter walking a few steps behind James and Sirius, who were whispering together. Remus was about to ask them what they were talking about (maybe James _had_ found a secret way into Hogsmeade after all) when he heard his name in their whispers. He saw Sirius's hand moving up to his neck, making a slashing motion across.

So, he _had_ noticed the scars - but had been, perhaps, too surprised or uncertain or scared to say anything directly to Remus.

James glanced back at Remus, who pretended to be looking at the cover of the textbook in his arms.

Lunch was uneventful, except for some odd glances he received from James. Remus worried about their return to the dormitory later that afternoon, where they would be alone and where his friends may be more willing to confront him.

Peter was asking him about The Hobgoblins. Remus forced himself out of his distraction, pushing the concerns to the back of his mind, to be kept next to his fears of the full moon.

"Well, the lead singer Stubby Boardman, he's rather bloody awesome."

"I think my cousin Andromeda has got a crush on him," interjected Sirius. "Narcissa and Bellatrix think she's mental."

"I think I've got some of their records up in the dormitory. I'll show you guys."

The day ended with the Marauders dancing around their dormitory to the music of The Hobgoblins, along with their roommate Jason, until a seventh year came by to yell at them for distracting them from studying at 2 o'clock in the morning.

#

October arrived cool and crisp, and Remus slowly began to relax as he often did when the full moon was not too near. The tiredness that often resulted from his transformation was beginning to fade away, and he estimated (based on years of experience) that he had about two weeks or so more of feeling decent before the effects of the waxing gibbous moon began to make themselves felt upon him once more.

The courtyard was full of sunshine on Sunday 1 October. It was the beginning of the second month of the term, and the students had settled back into the school year.

The four Marauders had found a comfortable corner of the courtyard that was shielded from the wind. Remus had created a study schedule for himself, taking his absences into account, but it lay abandoned next to him (after what he thought had been more than enough studying the previous day) as he laughed at a crude joke Sirius made about their potions lesson.

"And what about the Defense lesson?" said Sirius. "The new professor's mad. The older years didn't learn advanced material about vampires until fifth year, and he's teaching us about them now."

"Why was he laughing," said James, "when he said that in our essays, we should make sure 'all needless matters have been eliminated'?"[2]

"_Dracula_," said Remus.

James and Sirius looked at him oddly.

"Oh, my dad's got a collection of _Dracula_ films," said Peter. "He finds them fascinating for some reason."

James and Sirius glanced at each other as though their two friends had started speaking in Old French.

Remus laughed. "_Dracula_ is a Muggle vampire novel by Bram Stoker from 1897. There've been a whole bunch of Muggle films based on it. What he said was a quote from the book."

"I thought Muggles didn't know about vampires," said James. "They're part of the magical community."

"They write stories about vampires, though," said Peter, "and make movies."

"Like how they do with witches and wizards," added Remus.

There was a look of recognition on Sirius's face. "Oh! You mean like the comic that fourth year brought to Hogwarts last term."

James laughed, imitating the vampire in the comic. "'_I want to such your blood_.' I would think if you wanted to suck someone's blood, you might not want to go announcing it everywhere."

"Is there something you'd like to tell us, James," said Sirius seriously. "Been drinking any blood lately?"

James lunged at Sirius, as though aiming to bite his neck, and they both tussled for a few minutes with Peter looking on and laughing.

From across the courtyard, a few people looked over to see what was going on, but turned back to their previous activities when they realized it wasn't a real fight. Lily's eyes lingered a moment on the two boys, Remus noticed, and she smiled before shaking her head and turning away.

Sirius and James had stopped fighting and were now lying on the grass side by side, laughing.

Remus looked at them, amused, and said, "Maybe we should get some blood lollipops for James from Honeydukes."

Peter made a disgusted face.

"I've tried them," said Sirius. "They're not bad actually."

His friends looked at him oddly.

"What? I was curious."

James raised himself up on his elbows and said, "Maybe it's _you_ who's been hiding something, Sirius."

Remus felt awkward and looked away from his friends.

"There _is_ a way into Hogsmeade, though," added James. "I heard a rumor there's supposed to be a tunnel under the school that goes to Honeydukes."

"Why would the school have a tunnel to a candy shop?" said Remus. He hoped it was true, as chocolate was one of the things that cheered him up after his transformations.

"I don't know," said James, "but it's what I heard."

"Maybe one of the founders had a thing for chocolate," suggested Remus. "Wasn't Helga Hufflepuff supposedly a great cook?"

"Where's the tunnel?" said Peter.

"That's the part I haven't figured out yet," said James, sitting up fully.

"Well, then, we'll just have to figure it out," said Sirius, who was still on his back on the grass, his eyes closed and a smile on his face.

Remus thought of the Shrieking Shack - he'd come to think of it as "My Shack" - and wondered if he should tell his friends about it. He told himself to stop being ridiculous. The thought was absurd, of course; that damned Shack was his ill house, his quarantine, the storage house of his secret nature - not a damn clubhouse.

"The school's _massive_," said Remus. "We can't just go tapping random walls with our wands. We have to have a plan." He paused. "If it's got something to do with Helga Hufflepuff, maybe it'll be somewhere near the Hufflepuff common room? Or maybe the tunnel's near the kitchens so the house elves in the kitchens can get ingredients for desserts from Honeydukes?"

James considered Remus's suggestion, and said, "You have a point."

"Isn't Devin from Hufflepuff your friend, Remus?" said Peter. "Maybe he'd be willing to help us."

"He seems cool," said James. "We could all go into Hogsmeade together if he can help us."

There was, Remus thought, some chance that Devin would be willing to help them, but he wondered how willing he would be to reveal the location of his own house's common room if asked - even by a friend from another house.

The four friends sat there in the courtyard, planning outlandish ways to find a secret tunnel into Hogsmeade (with Sirius attempting to psychoanalyze the founders to figure out the locations they would have chosen for secret passageways), and Remus went to bed that night thinking his friends were a rather odd bunch, but that he thought they were wonderful anyway.

#

The school library always felt to Remus as though it was older than the rest of castle, filled as it was with books about historical topics, pages of faded and discolored parchment in ancient tomes written in an dialects from long ago, on shelves rising high to the ceiling as though they grew out of the Earth itself and touched the heavens.

Remus found a table in a secluded corner, hidden from view of the main desk, where Madam Pince was working, but he knew that she would still notice if he mistreated one of the precious books in her care - not that he intended to do any such thing. Madam Pince was actually decent so long as you treated her volumes with due respect and if you recognized her as the mistress of her domain here at the school's library. He had found this out when he wanted to look up information on werewolves and she had been accommodating and even surprisingly helpful.

His little corner of the library was a location not many of the other students ever visited, because it was right in the middle f the Dark Arts section, surrounded by volumes with frightening covers and rather graphic detailed diagrams within their pages. On occasion, on older student who was interested in the Dark Arts - whether in their use or in defense against them - would visit the section be rather surprised to find a younger student there. Once, a seventh year Slytherin had sat down with him and told him all about what N.E.W.T. classes were like, which Remus appreciated; he thought that not many of the seventh years would be willing to talk to a second year and answer their questions.

On the Tuesday evening of 3 October, Remus was in the library while James and Sirius were serving detention and Peter had gone to a meeting of the Gobstones Club (a game for which Remus had never quite been able to develop an aptitude, but for which Peter apparently had a talent, as he had often returned to their dormitory after a tournament round with prizes). Remus had brought a magical music player with him and was just about halfway through his Defense Against the Dark Arts essay on werewolves (as the professor had decided to give them a chance to be creative and write about whichever Defense topic interested them) while humming along to the song (careful to keep the noise away from Madam Pince with magical earbuds) when he saw out of the corner of eye a boy with uneven black hair walking up to a shelf nearby.

He removed the earbuds. "Severus?"

The boy turned. "Lupin." He paused and eyed the stack of books on the table next to Remus. "You're writing about werewolves? We haven't learned about them yet."

"I got permission from the professor. It's … it's a subject I'm interested in," said Remus. He thought he was getting better at lying (or telling the partial truth, in this case) but he felt as though Severus was still suspicious and trying to evaluate whether he was telling the truth; it was almost as though Seveus was trying to read his mind.

Severus just nodded again.

"What are you writing about?" asked Remus.

"I haven't decided yet," said Severus, though Remus suspected he was lying. Remus could see a thick volume under Severus's arm, a book that was recognizable due to its green-and-black cover with red corners. Remus had consulted it before and knew that it was called _The Practical Application of the Dark Arts: a case book of historical events in wizarding history_ by an author whose name had long ago worn off the spine but who was identified on the title page as Dr. Marvine Ludby, Esq.

There were footsteps nearby and Remus and Severus started, expecting Madam Pince to round the corner of the bookshelf and tell them off for talking - but it wasn't Madam Pince. It was Devin, carrying a few library books of his own. He looked surprised to see the two of them together.

Severus looked at Devin, who stared back, unintimidated.

Attempting to break up the silent tension, Remus said, "Hello, Devin. Severus and I were just talking about the Defense essay. What are you writing about?"

"Boggarts," said Devin. "They're fascinating, really."

"True," said Severus. "Fear is fascinating." He then walked off down a dark aisle towards the opposite end of the library.

Devin looked at Remus questioningly. "What's up with him?"

"Not sure. I think he was looking up historical cases about the Dark Arts."

Devin took the seat opposite Remus and placed some more library books on the table. "I'm not surprised," he said. "He always knows lots of stuff in Defense class."

Remus smiled. "Yes, true. So, why do you find boggarts fascinating?"

Devin smiled and said, "They can tell you a lot about a person. They take the shape of whatever a person fears the most. It's one of the things I sometimes think about, you know," said Devin, "about what shape a boggart would take if I was standing in front of it."

Remus immediately thought of the full moon. He knew what he would see if he came across a boggart.

Devin pulled one of his library books closer to him and flipped open the cover, which thudded heavily on the wooden table. He read, "'_A history of humanity's experiences with fear would, if aiming to be all-inclusive and detailed would begin before the dawn of our species; this volume will take a more narrow approach, focusing upon those creatures which have provoked the most fear in wizardkind, from vampires and werewolves to dementors and Inferi. Our study begins, however, with what has historically been the most feared creature of all, due to its ability to take the shape of whatever we fear most: the boggart._'"

"Bit of a big book to be called 'a narrow approach'," said Remus, smiling.

"True," commented Devin, laughing. He ran his thumb down the edge of the book's pages, the way Remus had seen some of his rather bookish Ravenclaw friends do. "I think a person can show how brave they are based on how they face their fears, that's the real test of courage."

Remus nodded. "You can never know how you'd really react unless you see it in front of you." Remus knew he had seen his worst fear, but he couldn't say much about how courageous he had been, given that his actions weren't under his own control in those moments.

Devin agreed. "I was thinking about writing the discovery of boggarts and how some of the first witches and wizards studied them. How about you? Are you afraid of werewolves?" He gestured at the books on the table in front of Remus.

"In a way," said Remus. "I mean, it's scary the way that a werewolf transformation can completely take over a person, and they have no control over it." It was weird, Remus though, speaking in third person pronouns about werewolves, though it had become automatic with practice.

"Yeah," said Devin. "My mum works at St. Mungo's. Sometimes, they get a patient who was bitten by a werewolf. She can't tell me any information about the patients, of course, but she always says she feel really badly for them, because of how they're treated by society."

Remus smiled and wondered if he'd ever met Devin's mum during his stays at St. Mungo's.

"I hope you won't believe the mean things that people say about werewolves, Remus," said Devin.

Remus almost laughed, but caught himself. "Of course not," he said. "I think werewolf transformations are even scarier for the people going through them than they are for other people."

There was a noise in the next aisle over and a moment later, Madam Pince was there. She looked at them sitting there, with a pile of books between them, and said, "The library will be closing soon. If you'd like to check out your books, bring them to the front desk."

Remus looked at his watch and was surprised at how late it was. He and Devin hauled their books to Madam Pince's desk, where the inspected them and stamped return dates in them. She lingered over a couple of the books Remus was checking out, noticing their worn state. There was what looked like a shoe print on one of them.

While walking down the corridor outside the library, Devin turned to Remus and said, "I almost forgot. There's actually something I have to tell you. I know what you and James and Sirius and Peter are up to." Devin grinned. "I heard about your plans to get into Hogsmeade. All the Hufflepuffs are talking about it."

Remus laughed. "James is rather excited about it. We heard a rumor there may be a tunnel to Honeydukes, and we came up with this, er, idea that it may be near the Hufflepuff common room. I was going to ask you about it."

"Never heard of it, I'm afraid," said Devin. "Sounds really cool, though. I'll ask around; maybe some of the other students have heard of it. Tell me if you do decide to go. I'd love to come with you."

The two of them parted ways to go to their respective dormitories. While walking through the portrait hole into the Gryffindor common room, Remus wondered what Jams and Sirius were scheming during their detention.

#

"I swear to bloody Merlin," said Sirius, "that every single trophy that anyone at Hogwarts ever won is in that bloody trophy room."

He and James had served their three days of detention polishing the myriad of plaques, trophies, medals and various other awards in the trophy room (a veritable vault of the history of Hogwarts students' accomplishments).

The four friends were having breakfast on Friday morning (the day after James and Sirius's last evening of detention). James had been telling Remus and Peter about all the Quidditch Cups won by Gryffindor, clearly hoping that his name would be on an award one day.

Peter was putting the finishing lines on his Defense essay, which was due later that day. The Gobstones tournament had continued for several meetings, and Peter had won lots of prizes, resulting in his leaving the Defense essay for the last minute. Fortunately, Peter's father talked so often about vampires that Peter was able to write the essay from remembered facts, with some help from Remus.

"Wonder if there's an award for most mischief," said Sirius, while putting eggs on his plate.

"I doubt it," said Remus, laughing.

"It'd look pretty cool, though," insisted Sirius. "The award for '_Most mischief managed_' is awarded to such-and-such students. I think I'd rather win that than the Order of Merlin."

"There were some awards," said James, "for 'services to the school' - wonder what the people did."

"Maybe saved someone's life after an accident in a Quidditch game or something - or maybe told Professor Dumbledore about sherbet lemons," said Remus.

Sirius laughed in his bark-like way.

"There," said Peter, as he finished the last line of his essay. "If I was headmaster, I'd make up lots of fun contests and awards."

"We could have a contest," said Sirius, "to see who can climb up all one hundred and forty-two staircases the fastest."

"Or a contest to see who's willing to go near the Shrieking Shack," said James. "I heard from a fifth year it was just recently built."

"Doesn't make any sense," said Sirius. "Why does it look all old and abandoned, then?"

"Don't know," said James. "It doesn't have any doors or windows. Hey! Maybe there's some secret entrance we could find."

"Probably not the best idea," said Remus. "It's supposed to be haunted."

"Cool," said Sirius.

After breakfast, they headed to their classes for the day. Their Defense lesson didn't go very well, because the professor had decided to have them tell the class about their essays. When it was Remus's turn, he thought he might die of embarrassment. James, Sirius, and Peter smiled at Remus during his presentations, though they did seem rather uncomfortable. He figured his nervousness showed and they were just trying to be nice.

After class, Remus felt incredibly awkward, and his three best friends were asking him questions about his essay. (What do you think about werewolves? Do you think werewolves are normal people? Do you think all those bad things people say about werewolves are true? What do you think it would be like to be a werewolf? Would it be possible to meet a werewolf, or would they be reluctant to reveal their condition?)

Sirius was especially interested and wanted to go into the Forbidden Forest during the full moon.

That night, Remus wondered what he had gotten himself into. Over the next few days, Remus could have sworn that his friends were talking about him secretly. They would whisper among themselves and suddenly become silent whenever he walked into the room or entered a conversation.

#

James spoke first. "Remus, we know."

The four friends were sitting in their dormitory on the night of 11 October 1972, after classes were finished for the day. James, Sirius, and Peter had insisted on speaking to Remus about something very important. The three of them had very serious and nervous expressions on their faces.

"Know what?"

"We know," said Sirius, "about your secret affair with Severus."

Remus smirked, figuring his friends were probably having him on. He decided to let them get on with their joke. It might even be funny.

"We know about your, er, being a werewolf," said James. He had an uncharacteristic fearful expression on his face.

The world seemed to stand still and panic rose unbidden inside Remus's mind. He couldn't speak. He hoped it was a nightmare, like so many others he'd had about this moment, and wished desperately to wake up.

The door to their dormitory opened and their roommate entered, saying, "Hey, all."

"Hullo, Jason," they responded.

"We'll talk in the morning," said Sirius to Remus, as they all decided to turn in, as it was getting late anyway, and they didn't want to talk about this in front of Jason.

Though he tried, Remus couldn't sleep. He lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, feeling tachycardic and tachypnic. He could feel his heart pounding and his breath coming quickly. He couldn't stand it anymore; he couldn't just wait here for his friends to wake up and confront him.

Very early in the morning, before his friends woke up, he quietly got dressed and left the dormitory.

Remus ran - down the spiral staircase, across the common room, through the portrait hole. He ran aimlessly down countless corridors and eventually found himself at the top of the Astronomy Tower. Looking down from the extreme height, he had a momentary thought of climbing on top of the parapet and jumping down to his death before concluding he was being overly dramatic. Instead, he sat down and leaned against the structure, tears running down his face, his breath coming in gasps.

He'd been wrong, he thought, to expect friendship or trust or happiness. Denying who he was - _what_ he was, the monster that he was - served no purpose. How could he have been so foolish, so idealistic, so deluded?

Terror had immobilized him there, on the top of the tower, and he remained there despite the chill. The was the moment he had always dreaded, ever since he'd been bitten; it was the reason why he had always been hesitant to make friends, knowing that he would either have to lie to them continually or lose their friendship once they figured out the truth.

Slowly, Remus began to calm himself down, his breathing becoming more even and steady. He wouldn't allow his fear to overcome him, to ruin him. He was afraid of what his fear would do to him. He forced himself walk to back down the spiral staircase and found an out-of-the-way corner of a corridor, where he sat down against the wall.

He sat there with his knees drawn close to his chest.

He could hear footsteps above him as the school woke up on Thursday morning. There were footsteps running down nearby steps, and a second later, Sirius was standing there in a disheveled school uniform, with Peter and a yawning James close behind.

"Remus."

Remus wiped his tears away on his sleeve.

The three of them came closer to him and sat down around him.

"What's wrong?" asked Sirius. "We were worried about you."

"What are you doing here?" said James.

"We only found you because Nearly Headless Nick said he saw you coming down this way," said Peter.

Remus swallowed, telling himself to be brave, and said, "I - I didn't know what you'd say to me. I thought you wouldn't want to be friends with me anymore."

"What? Why?" said Sirius.

"What's wrong with you?" said James.

"I'm - I'm a werewolf, that's what's wrong with me," said Remus, hardly believing he'd said it aloud.

"There's nothing wrong with you!" said James.

"You _do_ know what people think of werewolves, mate?" said Remus. He could, at the very least, be honest with them about how they might expect to be treated for being friends with him.

"My parents hate werewolves -" said Sirius.

"Your parents hate everybody," interjected Peter.

"- and they're _wrong_," said Sirius. "Listen, mate, I know lots of people who have those hateful views - been taught my whole life to believe that stuff - and I've always thought it was wrong. People are just afraid because they don't understand, and they don't want to get to know anyone who's different from them. You shouldn't think badly of yourself because of what other people say. If you think we'd believe that rubbish, we should be insulted; you obviously don't know us very well."

Remus looked at Sirius after his heart-felt statement and felt affection for his friends. After being targeted for insults and prejudice when people found out what he was, Remus was always very happy to find people who accepted him.

"When did you figure it out?" asked Remus.

"We've known for _ages_," said James. "We do have _calendars_, you know, and we do learn when the full moons are in Astronomy class. We were the ones who took the books out of the library without permission."

Remus remembered Sirius kicking a book into his trunk and subsequent shoe print on the book he'd checked out of the library a few days later.

"We were trying to give you a chance to tell us," said Sirius. "I think we might have scared you by accident, though."

Remus laughed in relief. He leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes for a few moments.

There was more noise of footsteps as students were leaving breakfast and heading to their classes. Sirius helped Remus to his feet and the four friends joined the throng of students walking through the corridors of Hogwarts.

Later that day, between classes, when the four friends were leaving Transfiguration class and a group of Hufflepuff students were entering the classroom, Remus spotted Devin in the corridor. Telling James, Sirius, and Peter he'd catch up with them, Remus asked to speak to Devin for a moment and took him aside.

"Devin, there's something I want to talk to you about," said Remus in an undertone. "Can we meet later - in the library, maybe."

"I already know," said Devin with a kind smile. "Why do you think I made sure to say all that stuff to you - so you knew I'd still be your friend."

"I think the whole school'll figure it out by the time we graduate," said Remus, smiling and laughing.

Another Hufflepuff was calling to Devin from the doorway to hurry up, as Professor McGonagall was about to begin class.

"Be right there," he called back, and then whispered to Remus, "Oh, and by the way, I've got something to tell you, too. See you in the library later."

Devin walked into the Transfiguration classroom and Remus hurried to his next class, hoping he wouldn't be late.

It turned out that Devin's secret was that he'd found out some information about the tunnel into Honeydukes. An older Hufflepuff had snuck into the Honeyduke's cellar a few years back and found the entrance into the passageway on the Hogsmeade end. They still didn't know, however, where the Hogwarts end of the tunnel was.

They were having fun and laughing together in the back of the library. Madam Pince came by and told them to keep quiet, but they kept laughing and it ended in their being kicked out.

Remus reported the news back to James, Sirius, and Peter. They all agreed that finding the tunnel and getting into Hogsmeade would be a fun adventure. They were determined to find out all the secrets of the school during their time at Hogwarts.

#

"Is it scary?" asked Sirus, looking at Remus.

"What?" Remus looked up from his studying. He, James, Sirius, and Peter were in their dormitory.

"Turning into a werewolf?"

Remus looked at Sirius.

"Stupid question," said Sirius, in response to the look on Remus's face.

"Still," said Remus with a weak smile, "it does make it easier that I don't have to lie to you lot." For the first time, Remus felt some comfort before the full moon, knowing that his friends were there and that they knew and still liked him.

"We were really getting tired of pretending to believe your really bad lying," said James.

Remus smiled.

"So," said James hesitatingly, "what exactly happens on the full moon. Where do you go?"

Remus had noticed his friends had avoided talking about this topic over the past few days, but he supposed that with the full moon one week away, they were getting curious about what would happen to their friend. He knew if one of them had revealed a similar secret, he'd be curious as well.

"I go down to the hospital wing and Madam Pomfrey takes me to the Whomping Willow." Remus tried to be cheerful, to show he didn't resent them for asking. "There's tunnel underneath it that goes to the Shrieking Shack. That's where I stay until the morning, after the full moon is over."

"You mean," said Peter, his face rather pale, "you're the one who makes all that - that noise?"

"Afraid so," said Remus.

"Wait!" said James. "You mean _you knew a way into Hogsmeade and didn't tell us all this time_?"

Remus laughed. "You don't mind that I'm a werewolf, but you're upset I didn't tell you about a way into Hogsmeade?"

"Well, of course!" said James.

"We've been trying to figure it out all this time," said Peter.

"Lycanthropy is forgivable," said Sirius. "Betrayal isn't."

Remus shook his head at his friends. "Well, there are no doors or windows, anyway, and we haven't learned how to apparate, so how would we get out of the building and into the village? I thought of telling you, but then decided not to. That place … well, it has bad memories for me, and I don't want to go back there more often than I have to."

"But if we were with you, then it'd have good memories, right?" said Sirius.

"Well, true …" said Remus.

"And I'm sure we could find some way to get out of the Shack from inside without breaking the wall down," said Sirius. "Maybe study apparition on our own - though it's supposed to be dangerous if you mess it up."

"I'm grateful my condition has motivated you to study," quipped Remus, returning to the textbook he was reading. He knew that in the next couple days, he'd feel rather ill as his transformation got closer, and he wanted to get as much studying done as possible before that.

"My dad's got an invisibility cloak," said James, "but he reckons I'm too young to have it yet. Maybe I can convince him to give it to me. That might help."

"If we had that, we might not even need to go through any tunnels or anything," said Peter. "We could just try to slip out with the regular crowd of students."

"Even if we can't get into Hogsmeade," said Sirius, "I wish we could come with you on the full moon."

"Aiming to commit suicide?" asked Remus.

"Just saying," said Sirius, "you know, so you wouldn't be all by yourself."

"I appreciate the thought," said Remus.

#

"See you, Remus."

"Hope your mum gets well soon."

Remus was about to head down to hospital wing, and his friends were bidding him farewell in the Gryffindor common room, pretending as though he was heading home to see his ill mum, so that the other Gryffindors wouldn't be suspicious.

"Thanks," he said, smiling at them, grateful to have such friends, "I appreciate it."

As he headed away from Gryffindor tower, he felt much better than he had a month ago, than he had before any full moon.

"You seem in a good mood," Madam Pomfrey commented when he entered the hospital wing and she saw his smiling face. "You've told your friends, haven't you?"

He wasn't sure how to respond.

"And they're still friends with you, I take it?"

He nodded.

She smiled at him kindly, and they headed on their way to the Whomping Willow.

Remus felt afraid, as he always did, of his transformation, but he knew he'd wake up after it with friends who knew and liked him anyway. He didn't have to lie to them anymore or be afraid that they would abandon him once they found out. Knowing this gave him something to hold on to, friends who were true, not ones who would one day hate and fear him.

He knew he was strong enough to deal with being a werewolf, but having loyal friends helped. That they saw him as a human and not as a monster made him feel less alone in this world - made the fight seem worthwhile.

_They know_, he thought as he lay on the floor of the Shack, waiting for the transformation to begin. _They know, and they're still my friends_.

###

**Author's Note**: Thank you very much for reading. Feel free to review if you'd like to. I'd appreciate any constructive criticism.

###

**References**

[1] Rowing, J. K. _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban_. London: Bloomsbury, 2007, Ch 18, p. 259. Print.

[2] Stoker, Bram. _Dracula_. 1897. New York: Signet Classics, an imprint of New American Library, a division of Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 1965, p. xx. Print.


End file.
